I’ve talked about life reboots on here
before. I’ve had the moments of epiphany before and made the resolutions, but
it’s funny, sometimes things just happen. For me they usually happen in my
sleep. That’s where my greatest inspiration often comes from. I’ll see the
stories, often take part in them, and when I awaken, I’ll write them down. But
this time was different. I was walking down the corridors of an office
building. I had no idea where I was however. There were no nameplates on any of
the doors, all of the blinds were drawn and the hallways were dark. Turn after
turn. After a while I noticed something on the floor. Someone had dropped their
notepad. I picked it up thinking that I could look through it and find a name
and return it to the owner. There were no pages inside though. Only more
covers. While flipping through I actually smacked myself in the face with one
of them. *Lesson learned: When you push the world, and people, away, eventually
they will push back. You can’t see beyond anyone’s outside if they won’t let
you.* So in my dream I took off running. I had to get away. My character
anyway. I was in full story mode. I ended up in Turkey in an ancient city. This
was home for my character. A local man had prepared him a meal of snake, fresh
caught, served with a sauce made from their blood mixed with a strong local
coffee. I can still see the fresh herbs mixed in with the pieces of meat and it
actually makes my mouth water. Is there such a dish? I have no idea. It doesn’t
matter. I got to sit on the Turkish coast and watch the sun rise over the
Aegean sea, which considering that the Aegean is on the west coast of Turkey is
a pretty rare event. I woke up with a smile on my face for the first time in
longer than I can remember. *Lesson
learned: Sometimes you just need to get back to your roots.* I’ve realized
recently just how much I’ve really let the negativity, the bitterness, the
anger and the pain, both physical and emotional that have come since I got hurt
redefine me. How much I’ve let them affect and twist my life. I think it’s time
to begin letting some of that go. I like the person I used to be. Was I a
smiling happy bastard? No. But I smiled a lot. And I was happy. And I’ve always
been a bastard. … Jeez maybe I WAS a smiling happy bastard… Is it too late to
reconsider?
