Saturday, January 18, 2014

Getting Lost, Eating Snake & Letting Go

I’ve talked about life reboots on here before. I’ve had the moments of epiphany before and made the resolutions, but it’s funny, sometimes things just happen. For me they usually happen in my sleep. That’s where my greatest inspiration often comes from. I’ll see the stories, often take part in them, and when I awaken, I’ll write them down. But this time was different. I was walking down the corridors of an office building. I had no idea where I was however. There were no nameplates on any of the doors, all of the blinds were drawn and the hallways were dark. Turn after turn. After a while I noticed something on the floor. Someone had dropped their notepad. I picked it up thinking that I could look through it and find a name and return it to the owner. There were no pages inside though. Only more covers. While flipping through I actually smacked myself in the face with one of them. *Lesson learned: When you push the world, and people, away, eventually they will push back. You can’t see beyond anyone’s outside if they won’t let you.* So in my dream I took off running. I had to get away. My character anyway. I was in full story mode. I ended up in Turkey in an ancient city. This was home for my character. A local man had prepared him a meal of snake, fresh caught, served with a sauce made from their blood mixed with a strong local coffee. I can still see the fresh herbs mixed in with the pieces of meat and it actually makes my mouth water. Is there such a dish? I have no idea. It doesn’t matter. I got to sit on the Turkish coast and watch the sun rise over the Aegean sea, which considering that the Aegean is on the west coast of Turkey is a pretty rare event. I woke up with a smile on my face for the first time in longer than I can  remember. *Lesson learned: Sometimes you just need to get back to your roots.* I’ve realized recently just how much I’ve really let the negativity, the bitterness, the anger and the pain, both physical and emotional that have come since I got hurt redefine me. How much I’ve let them affect and twist my life. I think it’s time to begin letting some of that go. I like the person I used to be. Was I a smiling happy bastard? No. But I smiled a lot. And I was happy. And I’ve always been a bastard. … Jeez maybe I WAS a smiling happy bastard… Is it too late to reconsider?

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