Sunday, May 18, 2014

Faith & The Ultimate Question



Talking a bit ago about writers using their craft to deal with the traumas in their life. I wrote ‘Fallen Angels’ for one reason only. Because my mother committed suicide. I remember so clearly coming home from the hospital, from the morgue where I had seen her for the last time, where I had run my fingers for the last time. Where I had touched her for the last time.

At the house was some pastor that I did not know. In an unbelievably misguided to comfort me, he put his arm around me and said, ‘Don’t worry son, God won’t put any more on you than you can handle.’

It was then that the last splintered and fractured pieces of faith that I had shattered.  If there was a God and he was so protective of people, then why had my mother taken her own life? I pushed away from him and organized religion.

There was no way that I could ever find God in this plane of existence, let alone stand face to face with him and ask him that question, the ONLY question that mattered.

Why?

The question so many have asked in so many ways, about so many things, in so many languages, for millennia. Why could God allow this to happen? I couldn’t stare God in the face and ask the question.

But I could create a character who could.

And ‘Fallen Angels’ was born.

There are many things in this book. Hope, despair, faith, disbelief, love. It revolves around an angel sent on a task by God himself, but it’s far from a religious story. If anything, it’s a story of one person, trying to discover for himself the answer to a question that he thought he would never ask. A question that must be answered, even if asking it is blasphemy in itself.

Why?

‘Fallen Angels’, available now wherever e-books are sold.

Not all who fall are lost.

God’s daughters have been cast out of Heaven, to protect them from Lucifer’s rebellion. Once the war has ended, Samuel, God’s most trusted angel, is charged with returning them home.

The fallen angels, born mortal, have no memory of their divine birthright. Each has led a unique life in a different part of the world, each following their own faith, if any faith at all.

As Samuel experiences life on Earth and witnesses the abuses that those nearest to him have been forced to suffer, his own faith, once unfailing, begins to fracture, and he too begins to question.

When the actions of a former ally prompt one of the daughters to commit an unforgivable sin, Samuel is forced to make a once unthinkable choice. Defy God and risk his own salvation for hers or allow her, and humanity, to be forever lost.

 ‘Fallen Angels’ is available at:

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Every Girl Has Her Day



It was bound to happen. I just never expected it to happen like this. I’ve had Symantha for a week and a half now. I’m  39 y/o dude at a major turning point in his life. She’s a ’93 Camaro Z28 with some sweet mods.

Until today, no one had stepped up and tried to challenge me to an off the cuff race. I knew it was bound to happen. I wasn’t keen on the idea. I’m NOT in my twenties anymore. Hells, I usually drive her below the speed limit! I wasn’t sure how I’d react!

Until today…

I had left a doctor’s appointment and was coming home when I noticed a vehicle in my rearview mirror, following so close that I couldn’t even see the license plate. Tailgate city dudes. I made a left and it followed, just as close. We sat for a bit at a light until the green opened us up to two lanes of traffic.

I stayed in my lane, behind a slow moving car, and the vehicle, which turned out to be a burgundy minivan of all things, shot out around me and dashed ahead.

I was now irked.

The slow car now chose to move over for some reason and the pursuit was on. To make things interesting, I decided to keep my speeds within the limit. If he was going to fly, so be it. But if I could catch him within the posted numbers, then game on.

I grew closer as we left a 35 zone and entered a 45. At the last light before my destination and with only half a mile to go, I was now sitting beside him on the line. I took a quick glance out of the corner of my eye.

He was smiling the smug bastard.

*A quick sidebar: The kid I bought Symantha from had already begun some extensive modifications on her as I said. New intakes, Flowmaster pipes, I had never really opened her up before. It was time to let my girl do her thing.*

The light turned green and I hit the gas. Symantha roared. I left the dude far behind, presumably in a puddle of urine and shame. Never once did I speed, I just got to the speed limit a hell of a lot quicker than he did.

I love Symantha. I really do. I just really need a vehicle that’s a four season car. But I’ll always remember her as my spring, and hopefully summer, fling. :-)

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Abscessed Teeth, Tortured Souls & Surprise Endings



Last night was a bad night for me. I was attacked by a houseplant. Now this isn’t a common occurrence in my home. I was minding my own business when it simply dropped and struck me on the shoulder.

Now for most people this would just be an aggravation. A mess to clean up, an angry stare at the hook that simply fell from the ceiling. However for me, it was more.

Many of you know that I have a spinal cord injury, herniated disks and multiple trigger spots along my spine. The impact of the plant on my shoulder was a major shock. It also made me aware of a problem I didn’t know that I had.

I’ve had a tooth that’s bothered me for years. As soon as the plant hit me it began hurting me. Big deal, I thought. It’ll pass. It didn’t.

As evening progressed to night the pain worsened and began to spread. I recognized the signs all too well. An abscessed tooth. On a Saturday night.

Yeah.

There were no other options.

I drove myself to the hospital and got out of my car. This is where the second crisis of the night happened.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you stare at your keys as the locked door swings shut? Yeah, that was me. Three-thirty in the morning and locked out of the car.

But I had other worries. I went in and explained my situation to the triage nurse. Within five minutes I was in a room. No showing of ID, insurance card, or vitals taken. It’s a new policy at the hospital and I’m still not sure how I feel about it. It may speed the process, but someday something important will be missed.

The doctor came in, diagnosed me, gave me some antibiotics and some Percocet, which I obviously couldn’t take until I got home. I thanked him and the nurses and went out. I found a tow company that had a lockout service and sat down in the waiting room.

I had time on my hands. Maybe a card game on my phone would distract me.

Then I heard it.

Do all things happen for a reason? I don't know. But I think many do. I think I was delayed at the hospital for a purpose. As I was waiting for the tow truck to arrive, one of the security guards radios crackled.

There was a Sheriff’s deputy coming in with a TDO.

Just hearing that gave me chills.

Many of my friends know that I’ve made the decision to go into an inpatient facility in the next couple of weeks. I’ve dealt with the symptoms of my Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and what is now emerging as Borderline Personality Disorder for all my life. Recently I’ve come close to losing the battle. I’ve finally accepted that I need help to learn skills to handle these things, these wars caused by a simple quirk of brain chemistry.

It was not an easy decision to make.

But when I heard those words, TDO, it all struck home. A TDO is a Temporary Detainment Order, meaning that someone has been found to be so much of a threat to themselves or others that they must be placed into a psychiatric facility.

I watched the two deputies lead the young man in, handcuffs on his wrists and shackles on his feet.

There but for the grace of God went I.

Finally the tow truck driver arrived. He had my door opened in minutes. I sat inside of his truck, enjoying the warmth, while he filled out the paperwork. He was a kindly man, in his 70s he told me. He even gave me a discount on the bill.

Talk turned to my injury and how hard it is to get the help you need. He agreed. The current situation is messed up.

Unless you’re one of ‘the blacks.’ They get everything.

I sat stunned for a minute. I was tired and in a huge amount of pain. He finished writing the bill and handed it to me. I thanked him, got out of his truck, and was soon heading for home.

It still surprises me when people will just blurt out such bigoted statements. I find it sad that such thoughts, and people, exist.

He was such a nice person.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Missed Busses, Lost Earrings & Time Well Spent



It was going to be a great morning. I had turned my alarm off, I could see that the temperature outside was already a balmy 49F and I was just in a comfy, happy place. I could sleep in for an hour or two and then begin my day. Yeah. You guys know where this is heading, right?
The rapid knocking began at my bedroom door. Sierra, my oldest had missed her bus. She takes CNA classes in the morning so giving her a Friday off from school just isn’t an option. So I drug myself out of bed.
As I got dressed I realized two things. First, it was raining outside, which explained why my pain level was so high. Having a spinal cord injury, multiple herniated disks putting pressure on my spinal cord, makes me very sensitive to the weather.
Today is going to be a rough one.
My second realization was that I had lost an earring somewhere yesterday. Yeah, big deal, but this annoys me when it was part of a set of spikes that I had to order specifically online because I couldn’t find what I wanted around here. I now only have three spikes, one looped spike and a double loop.
And an empty hole.
This is where your empathy should really be kicking in.
As I walked out into the house I realized that I hadn’t let my dogs out before I went to bed. Sure enough, Anika, my black lab and best friend had peed all over the conservatory. My oldest cleaned that up as I finished getting ready.
That’s one of my biggest frustration about my injury. Everything has to be so slow and precise now. I can’t just throw something on and go. The wrong move or a rapid turn can ruin me for days.
So my kid and I were finally ready to leave. We stepped outside into wind and rain so heavy that I found myself looking around for a Deadliest Catch camera crew.
Ever since my accident a few weeks ago, where my car slid off of a slick curve, my anxiety is beyond belief just getting behind the wheel. The weather today was a nice touch.
But Sierra and I drove on, laughing and talking about new things and old times. The kind of conversation we don’t seem to have a lot of anymore.
My kid missing the bus is going to cause me to hurt a lot more today. I’m glad it happened.

Thursday, February 20, 2014



A little bit of teeth is a good thing

Not your typical werewolf story…expect blood to run hot.

The crackle of twigs snapping underfoot and the smell of fresh pine needles high in the Ozarks gives veterinarian Hannah Edmonds the peace she so desperately needs after a messy divorce.

Everything about her mountain vacation changes for her when she stumbles upon a beautiful, and severely wounded, black wolf.  Hannah nurses the predator back to health, giving him the care and personal attention she’s well-known for in her practice.

The fact that he heals far faster than any animal she’s ever seen before is nothing compared to the shock of being face-to-face with a mysterious man named Vaughn – the wolf no longer in sight.

Vaughn Richards knows more about Hannah than he’s willing to tell her.  He’ll force her to unleash her true nature when Hannah discovers a secret that could change everything between them.

NOTE: Contains explicit sexual language and situations.  This book is intended for mature audiences.  Do not read this story if these things offend you.

‘All The Better To’ is available at:
All The Better To:
All The Better To: